Call the Hypnotist, There's a Mythical Creature in My Living Room

Back and forth. Back and forth. 

The pendulum swings across your face. It’s looking for a way in, trying to get a hold of your mind, even if it’s just for a few moments. And if you didn’t attend Professor Snape’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class, you might as well hand over the key.

Every intelligence agency around the globe will tell you the same thing: for your own safety, you should maintain a twenty-five meter buffer zone between yourself and any hypnotist, or else say goodbye to all your deepest, darkest secrets.

Sure, they’ll try to lure you in by claiming that they just want to help. Maybe sometimes they can. Former smokers swear by them. Appearances, though, can be deceiving.

All I know is, I’m not going under. No way. Not after what I saw one of these fiends do to one of my classmates at school. We’ve all seen dogs take commands like sit and roll over. This poor kid would have done backflips, cartwheels, and picked up this guy’s dry cleaning all with a snap of his fingers. At least, that’s how I remember it. You could chalk it up to the adolescent mind's tendency to exaggerate.

Still, I refuse to be anyone’s puppet on a string. I also believe in avoiding any future controversy if indeed one of these folks pulled a fast one on me and altered my state. Then, the world would know what I’ve been trying to suppress for so long. 

Yes, I have watched one of those expedition shows where a group of fully developed adults “rough it” in the woods searching for Bigfoot.

I know, shame on me. It’s an hour of my life that I’ll never get back. But they promised to finally track down the mythical hairy beast I’ve longed to see. And honestly, dude, they got pretty close. It was nighttime, so pitch black. These were real pros, so night vision was in full effect. Did they catch a glimpse of anything? Not exactly.

No biggie. That is merely one of the senses available to mankind. 

So did they smell anything?  No.

Taste? Stupid question. Move on.

Touch? Just some grass.

To the average person that might seem like a failed expedition, but that’s why they have a sound guy, and when you hear what he picked up you’ll realize … yeah. It's pretty much rustling trees, maybe some hooting owls. We’ll call it inconclusive.

Wait. Don’t go. Next week's episode, that’s the one. Seriously, I already watched the promo. Not to spoil anything, but it kind of looks like they might have come across Bigfoot’s toothbrush. It’s surprisingly small for a being of that stature. Also, it's hooked up to a charging dock?

Am I getting duped here? This whole confession thing is starting to look like a mistake. I probably should have taken this one with me to the grave.