Two Bonds Don't Make a Right

This is not a drill. There is a serious international incident brewing, the kind that if not settled soon is going to lead to quite a lot of unpleasantness. Ironically, its resolution will as well. Yes, it’s pretty much a win-lose, lose-win scenario, if that makes any sense. The point is, as usual someone is likely to be upset.  But hey, that's the powder keg that comes from living in the age of the internet and social media.

So, what am I talking about, you ask? Well, as you can imagine it really has little consequence to our daily lives. It’s also something I'm getting pretty tired of hearing about and seeing online. That’s why I'm here to offer a solution to the big question:

Who in the damn hell is gonna play the next James Bond?

First off, we have to give props to Daniel Craig for doing such a great job reviving the franchise. A tip of the cap to you, sir. Now, let’s look at some candidates. 

At one point, Idris Elba was a pretty popular name being thrown around. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s a proven leading man with a solid track record, and he certainly has the acting chops to pull it off. There’s just one problem. There’s a decent sized elephant in the room, one that I really don’t want to bring up. 

You see, Elba is currently fifty- three years old. Perhaps he’s a little too seasoned for the role. That’s it. Put a fork in him. It’s his age and age alone that has people disqualifying him.

Alright, moving on. Maybe it’s time for the role to be completely redefined. It is the 21st century, after all. It could be time to see a woman order the signature Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred. Of course, this might cause even more backlash than Elba probably would. I tend to agree.

Women don’t need to latch onto a decades old franchise. They need their own characters and stories to inhabit.

That eliminates half the pool of viable players. See, we're narrowing this thing down. Actually, you can pretty much throw out most of the world because this Bond guy apparently also has to be British, or at least from the Commonwealth. Them’s are just the rules, I guess. I mean, I understand it to an extent – Bonds, MI6, his identity is woven into that culture – but at least let the Americans get in on the action. It’s not like we put an embargo on your talent coming over from across the pond to play real American figures. Yeah, I’m looking at Tom Holland's Spider-Man, and we already gave you two Batmans and a Lincoln. That, at the very least, should equal one Bond. And I know just the right kind of American muscle for the job. 

This actor has been everywhere as of late. Year after year, it seems he’s just pumping out big movies. He’s young, only thirty and has been nominated for four academy awards. T-Chal, where you at?

That’s right, the next bond should be Timothy Chalamet. He would be perfect to bring the franchise into the current times. Less freak in the sheets and more vulnerability in the streets. Surely he can do an English accent. He already learned how to sound like Bob Dylan. All I say is give him an audition.

Don’t tell me no one is on board with my suggestion. Somebody out there has to agree. Seriously, what’s so bad about an American and French actor playing Bond? 

You know what? Fine. I retract everything I just said. I’ll keep it realistic. If I were to cast Bond today under the present-day stipulations, then I would keep it  simple. This next actor was born in London. He’s great, one of the best ever in his craft. More importantly, he’s instantly recognizable. And I can see him doing the line flawlessly: “The name’s Bond, James Bond.” I think you’re starting to see it too. The next MI6 ladykiller has to be none other than Daniel Day- Lewis. 

I know, I know what you’re thinking, he's older than Idris Elba. That’s true, but we're talking about DDL. He’s acting royalty. The man doesn’t play characters as much as he becomes them. Plus, with all the de-aging tech we have these days, you can make him look young and suave with the push of a button. He could still have the tux, the gadgets, even chase women. Think about the nuance he could bring to the character.

Maybe the next Bond film is a parallel timeline experience. It can be a story that jumps between his younger and older self, the kind of Bond who has to reckon with the decisions he made in the past as he confronts them long after he’s hung up his codename.

I’m just throwing that out there into the ether because it sounds pretty cool to me. Really, it doesn’t even have to be Daniel Day-Lewis. That’s what everyone seems to be forgetting. It’s not so much about who is going to play Bond. Obviously the actor does matter. It’s an iconic role.  But come on, they’re not going to throw someone out there who isn’t capable of being the face of the franchise. The real conversation should be about what kind of Bond story we can tell.